HELGA, THE SOCK MONSTER BALLERINA

Helga - before she steps out on stage....

Helga - bow on and ready to go...

Helga - after her dance, totally exhausted....

Helga is of course another Sock Monster. She is made from some sock odds and ends that came to me in a bag with instructions to do as I please with.  I, not being of sound mind most of the time, took that literally and Helga was created. So, without further ado, here is Helga's story...

Helga was abandoned in a fish bowl and left on the stairs of the local orphanage in a small village on the outskirts of Possum Grape, Arkansas. As the orphanage was full, Helga was given to the nuns who tried their best to raise her as an obedient servant and quiet sock monster. However, much to the nuns dismay, this was not meant to be as every opportunity Helga could get, she would dance. At first, they didn't think much of it until she started crashing into objects and breaking relics around the church. This became a problem and the nuns were forced to send Helga and her beloved fish bowl to the Madam at the local Brothel. From here, her story gets a little "sketchy" and really, who wants to know about what goes on at a Brothel? Well, some of you might want to know but I'm not going to be the one who explains it to you.... ANYWAY, Helga continued to dance and was discovered by the chief choreographer of The Paris School of Ballet while he was hanging with the Madam at the Brothel (he was just visiting...honest). He immediately signed Helga on and taught her everything a young ballerina should know.
Today, you can watch Helga perform anywhere the French Ballet Group happens to be. Quite a success story right? As for Helga's fish bowl, it travels with her and sits on her vanity at each dressing room as a reminder of her humble beginnings.

Author's note: Possum Grape, Arkansas does exist - I'm just that type of person that would know wacky town names (go figure...). Now, whether or not it has an orphanage, nunnery or brothel, I really don't know. All I know is I'm having way too much fun with these bios....

MARCH 2011 COLLECTION

March Collection



Alejandro (such a good sport...)

 Another month has come and gone and I am happy to introduce you to my March collection! This month was a little hectic as I travelled for work and Broomball and was away a little over half the month. Actually, being away that long and in different places gave me a chance to gather a number of really funky socks which I am anxious to get started on. Have no fear though, I had my trusty "monkey bag" and every where I went, it went with me, full of monkey pieces. I'm sure the cleaning crew in all the hotels had to wonder what kind of butchering was going on when they came in to clean my room....
All in all, this month puts me at 90 completed monkey's (well, a few more if you count the monsters, trolls & goblins and extras I make for friends).  Only 275 more to go!
Thank you to my faithful readers who comment on my bios - it's good to know someone is out there reading. I truly hope they put a smile on your face for the day. Keep reading, sending in socks and let the monkey mayhem continue!!

OLIVIA, BUGSY MALONE & APOLLO

OLIVIA: Born - March 29th. Olivia is one of the kindest Sock Monkeys you'll ever meet. She likes to shake tails with everyone she meets, will do anything to help a friend out - even clean your clogged toilets if required. My theory on Olivia is that she's really not kind and took that old saying "kill them with kindness" a little too literally. I'd be careful asking Olivia to help drain your pipes...
BUGSY MALONE: Born - March 30th. Bugsy Malone is NOT named for the 1976 movie "Bugsy Malone". If you look closely at the above picture, you'll see his eyes are made from ladybug buttons - hence the name Bugsy Malone. Having mentioned the movie though, I understand that Bugsy got his hands on one of the original "splurge guns" from the movie. You remember those - they don't shoot bullets but cover the victim in cream instead. Bugsy Malone loves this and uses banana cream pie for the filling. He's a huge hit at college frat parties....
APOLLO: Born - March 31st. Apollo doesn't have much of a story. He simply exists to go through life each day as quietly and peacefully as possible. Once in a while he may actually speak but only if you've talked first. It's not that he's shy, he simply has nothing to say. He works quietly at his cubicle and rarely interacts with his co-workers. Some Sock Monkeys think he's a perfect candidate for going postal one day. Hmmmmm, guess we'll have to see.....

DUKE & ISAIAH

DUKE & ISAIAH: Born - March 27th & 28th respectively. These two brothers live peacefully in a small cottage on the outskirts of Wellington, New Zealand. Duke and Isaiah have a unique job which they both love and excel at. These two Sock Monkeys spend their work day searching for needles in haystacks. I know what you're thinking. What kind of no brainer job is that and WHO actually searches for needles in haystacks? Let's take a moment and think about Sunday dinner. Your mouth is watering as you've been smelling that New Zealand leg of lamb slow roasting all day.  You've set the table nicely, used good china, invited your family over and you're about to eat. You cut into your piece of lamb, mmmmm....smell the garlic and rosemary. You slather on the gravy or mint jelly, bring it to your mouth and start chewing. All of a sudden you're screaming in pain as something sharp has just cut the inside of your mouth and is about to travel down your throat but gets lodged inside and you start to choke. This causes mixed emotions from your family around the table (some may want you to choke...just saying...) and there's fear in your eyes as you realize you may be taking your last bite of lamb ever! ANYWAY, this all happened because the leg of lamb you've eaten belonged to a live lamb from New Zealand who happened to eat hay from a haystack that unbeknownst to him, had needles in it!! NOW, my point is, all this would not have happened had Duke and Isaiah been on the job and searched that haystack for needles. Any more questions?  I think not.....

MAYA & ANGUS

MAYA: Born - March 25th. Maya idolized an actress named Catherine Schell, who played "Maya" on the 1970's sci-fi show, "Space 1999". Her character could transform in to all these really cool creatures - usually at a critical point in the show - at which point she'd save someone or help solve a problem. She also had funky dotted eyebrows and weird looking sideburns. While Maya the Sock Monkey can't do any of that, she founded the fan club "Junior Shape Shifters" and has a fantastic website devoted to Catherine Schell (Maya). You can check it out at www.juniorshapeshifters.com .
ANGUS: Born - March 26th. Angus is Maya's boyfriend. He doesn't quite understand her fascination with "Space 1999" but will sit through her collection of re-runs for hours just to be with her. He also answers the fan mail from the above mentioned website and writes back to everyone personally. To date that covers about 11 people.... Angus helps with any merchandising and promotional stuff and generally runs the website for Maya. Angus will pretty much do anything to make Maya smile. Now that's love!!
Author's note: Another bogus website BUT if you feel inclined to check it out (like I did), it will take you to "Shapeshifters vs. Junior Jack Lola's Stupid Disco" which, if you take the full 8 minutes and watch it to the end, is a really cool dance song!

NIXON, PEPPER & STANTON

NIXON: Born - March 22nd. Nixon is running for President of the United States in the year 2016. He feels his name alone should be all he needs for the Sock Monkey population to rise up and vote him in. Part of Nixon's campaign is to get rid of any taxes associated with importing bananas from all over the world. I think it's a fabulous idea - one can never have too many bananas... Nixon, you have my vote!
PEPPER: Born - March 23rd. Pepper is from the smaller sock monkey species commonly known as "Smallkeys". You've already met a few of his friends in previous bios who are of the same species.  Though they are small in size, don't let that fool you. Pepper is famous for wrestling one of the crocodiles that got out in the "Great Sock Monkey Massacre of '82" and saved many lives that day. He came away with all his parts still intact - we don't talk about what was left of the crocodile....
STANTON: Born - March 24th. Stanton likes to crochet. Not hats, nor scarves or throw blankets, but the cute little doilies you find in old peoples homes. He sits all day on his couch and crochets hundreds of these things in all colors of the rainbow.  Not only does he make them and sell them at craft fairs, but he donates them to Old Folks Homes across Canada. Stanton was raised by his grandmother who loved doilies and had them scattered throughout her house. Hence his love for crocheting doilies.

Author's note: I mean no offense to old people and their love for doilies. I'm sure there are plenty of young people out there who decorate with them as well. Yup, doilies are the newest craze. Hey - you heard it here first....

EPSTEIN, BO & HAILEY

EPSTEIN: Born - March 19th. Epstein's named for my favourite "Welcome Back Kotter" character. C'mon people! Who didn't love Juan Epstein and his glorious head of hair? Not to mention all those classic notes he would bring in signed by "Epstein's mother". While Epstein the sock monkey doesn't have that crazy hair, he is rather adept at writing notes. As a matter of fact, for a small price (or a banana daiquiri or two), Epstein will write a note for you if needed...
BO: Born - March 20th. Bo is tiny. She has been the brunt of many short jokes but takes it all in stride. Bo's philosophy is that "good things come in small packages." This helps her in situations where she has to crawl into small, dark spaces to help people find lost articles. Anytime something rolls down a vent or gets stuck in a crack, Bo is there to help. She is currently working with the FBI on their lost and found cases and has solved over 172 open files. You'd be surprised how many things fall through the cracks...
HAILEY: Born - March 21st. Hailey is made from a pair of knee high socks and therefore has fabulous long legs. This works to her advantage as she is an excellent basketball player. Hailey dreams of landing a spot with the Harlem Globe Trotters and bringing basketball to small communities all over the world. For now, she works at her job cleaning the tops of refrigerators for short people. Though it's not her dream job, it is rewarding when she walks by the fridge and sees a clean top. You can hire her by calling 1-800-8FR-IDGE.