BUNNY BUTTS

THAT'S RIGHT, BUNNY BUTTS.

I decided you needed to see the backside of the sock bunny's for one purpose only. When I figure that purpose out, I promise I'll blog about it...



MATILDA, LYRIC & GLORIA

MATILDA, LYRIC AND GLORIA: Born - September 2012. And here is usually where I have to pause for a few minutes and figure out how to write their bio. It's not that I don't have a bio in my head, it's simply getting it from my mind to the computer. Not an easy task.
ANYWAY, on to the above trio's wonderful bio. These three sock monkeys, since the day they were created, have been tieing all my shoelaces together and turning my sweater arms inside out. They don't think I know BUT, I have video footage of them going through my sweater drawer when I'm not home AND caught them on film in the porch snickering away as they tied all my shoelaces in knots.
Folks, I can take a practical joke. It was actually funny the first time, even the second. It is now becoming quite annoying and a rather large pain in the  butt as it takes awhile to untie all my shoes as I'm trying to get out the door. Sooooooo, last night I took my revenge. Matilda, Lyric and Gloria aren't awake yet but I tied their tails together in knots, left them in a box under the kitchen sink AND taped the lid shut. Perhaps a bit extreme you may think BUT, if I don't go extreme, I'll end up with knotted shoelaces for as long as these three are in my home. Besides, I threw a banana in the box and some tequila, they should be passed out by the time I get home to let them out and all will be forgotten...

COTTON, SUDBURY & BLANCA

COTTON: Born - September 2012. You know how sometimes out of your mouth comes the words "dag-nab-it"? Well, just yesterday as Bean (the cat we are catsitting) tried to kill me on the stairs, out of my mouth not only came the words "dag-nab-it" but also "You cotton-pickin' stinkin cat!! I'm gonna hunt you down and throw you to the coyotes!!" At this time, I'm trying to cut down my swearing and  find other colourful ways to cuss and I remember "cotton-pickin' (insert object here) as a kid from Yosemite Sam on Bugs Bunny. AND, here's where I tie it all in. I was naming the one monkey at the time and his colours are so light and "pastellie" it reminded me of cotton-candy. And lo and behold, "Cotton" was named. Okay, I really didn't tie that in well did I...

SUDBURY: Born - September 2012. Sudbury doesn't have quite a colourful bio as the above. He's actually quite a regular kind of sock monkey. Keeps his nose clean and doesn't interfere with other monkey's business. Sudbury is an all around nice guy and treats everyone with respect. I seriously wonder some days if he came from outer space...

BLANCA: Born - September 2012.   Blanca DID come from outer space. She's an alien in disguise. No one hangs out with her as they all think she's going to take them back to her mother ship and probe them with, Lord only knows what. Blanca will deny it and try and convince you otherwise. That's how she manages to sucker other Sock Monkey's into hanging with her - then you never see them again. We're on to you Blanca...

AMADEUS & JINX

AMADEUS AND JINX

The above pictures are of my grandson and a very tall sock bunny named "Jinx". And here in lies my dilemma.
If I write a bio that possibly includes my grandson and somehow it ends up being slightly twisted, this could cause disastrous and catastrophic events - in my life anyway.
Come on over to my mind for a moment and I'll explain. Amadeus grows up and lets assume he can read by age 3 (he's a genius okay). He hacks into my computer, logs on to my blog and BAM! There it is. His pictures with a very large sock bunny. He starts to read the bio. He starts to cry rather than laugh. He calls his mum on his cell and insists she get him the "hell outta here" as his Georgie has lost it. His mother tries to explain that I'm harmless and lost it a LONG time ago. Amadeus doesn't believe her. At this point, I happen to walk in the kitchen with a knife in my hand and a chicken carcass in the other (hey, I was cleaning the guts out in the tub). Amadeus runs. Amadeus is not looking where he runs. Amadeus smokes his head into the door...again. Now he's out cold, has a goose egg on his forehead and Lord knows what kind of brain damage he's caused himself this time. As I'm standing there with my dead chicken and knife in my hands, my sons both emerge from downstairs to see what the noise is all about. They look at me, then Amadeus passed out on the floor and assume I've actually followed through with my threats of beating them to death with a dead chicken. They run. 

YA SEE!! THIS COULD HAPPEN!!  Somewhere down the line it ends with me living in a box under our local bridge with my free run chickens and eating bubblegum I've peeled off the road. Not too mention, never seeing my grandson again. And that my devoted readers, would be the end of the world for me...
Author's note: These kind of ramblings happen all the time. They are MADE UP people! I don't walk around with knives and dead chickens and I would NEVER threaten my boys with "death by chicken".  Chickens leave marks....

TOPI, KAIDA & LENA

TOPI, KAIDA & LENA: Born - September 2012. These three sock monkeys recently read in a magazine somewhere that most sock monkeys only have a lifetime of about 2 years. This is due largely to the fact that their owners - mostly children - abuse and neglect them to the point of stuffing falling out of holes, eyes being torn off and other limbs disappearing. AND, let's not forget the family dog using them as chew toys. Topi, Kaida and Lena have decided to start a shelter for abused Sock Monkeys. At this point, the shelter happens to be in my craft room. I don't mind stitching up monkey parts, attaching new limbs, repairing holes etc. I DO mind having to deal with the Sock Monkey Social Services. I'm warning you folks, if you're going to own a Sock Monkey, treat it well. The Sock Monkey Social Services councillors take their job very seriously and before you know it, the Sock Monkey Police have you in front of a Sock Monkey Judge and Jury (of mostly apes and chimpanzees) and, you can spend up to 3 years in a Sock Monkey jail if you're found guilty of abuse and neglect. Yes, you'll get three good meals a day and maybe an hour of yard time BUT, what goes on behind closed doors is indescribable. The last person they sent there managed to leak information and it wasn't pretty. He was forced to eat rotten bananas, swing from fake trees and chandeliers, pick lice out of fellow inmates hair AND learn sign language. This was only a fraction of what he told us, the rest can't be written in this blog...
The moral of this story is, don't mess with your damn sock monkey!!
Author's note: Okay. So there's no such thing as the above Sock Monkey Social Services or Police or Judge. I checked on the internet and all that came up was a report on stolen vintage Sock Monkeys. Not kidding.

SOCK....BUNNY?

As I was sitting comfortably on my couch, surrounded by pieces of sock monkey's and quietly assembling one, my wonderful husband casually said "Still working on your sock bunnys?"
Back up two years ago to when I started my project of a Sock Monkey A Day and let's travel through these two years and all the sock monkeys I have made - my husband helping to stuff every now and then, my husband helping to ship them, my husband giving me praise when I fulfilled my 2011 commitment, my husband picking out socks for monkeys, my husband putting up with sock monkey parts everywhere in the house, etcetera, etcetera...you get the picture. We are now at present day and out of his wonderful mouth comes the above Sock "Bunny" comment.
My initial reaction was of course to stab him in the leg with my needle and beat him with sock monkey parts until he cried. However, being the non-crazy person I am, I simply stared at him in dis-belief and repeated "sock BUNNY???" This is the moment when he realized his mistake and tried back pedaling - at which point I did stab him...
ANYWAY, after we cleaned up the blood and put a band aid on his "owie", I started to laugh. Not your typical crazy person laugh but more like a "light bulb went off in my head" laugh. I thought to myself "Myself, why don't you make a sockbunny?" And here we are, at last, to the point of this whole story. I created the above Sock Bunny and named him "Hopper". I believe he is now the hall pass for my son's English class at school. He's a little creepy looking but due to the above story, my mind was a little "off" at the time of his creation. Will there be more you ask? Depends on what comes out of my husbands mouth next time he slips up....
Author's note: Just to clarify a few things, I did NOT stab my husband with any object - that would be insane since he's a 5th level black belt in Wado Kai - he'd kick my ass.  I did however cut holes in his brake lines on the truck....

BAM-BAM, FRITZ & SHASTA

BAM-BAM: Born - September 2012. Bam-Bam has a drum set. He's only slightly "anal" about other people playing it BUT, has been known to share when there's a major jam session going on. This little sock monkey can pretty much play any song you throw his way. From the blues to metal, from folk to alternative rock - he's always tapping out a tune and never misses a beat! You seriously rock Bam-Bam!!
FRITZ: Born - September 2012. Fritz one day dreams of being as fantastic a drummer as Bam-Bam but for now, sticks to the triangle. Though he feels this is a lesser instrument, we try to tell him otherwise. The triangle may only be played once during an entire song (or set) BUT, it is played at a pivotal part and only Fritz can hit it with the right precision and emotion that justifies the triangle. Don't give up Fritz - your triangle playing abilities are awesome!
SHASTA: Born - September 2012. Shasta is not very musically inclined. We gave her a tambourine to try and quickly realized this was NOT the instrument to give to someone with no rhythm. Still, she tried. Most of the time now Shasta will simply watch and throw in a clap - or what we think is a clap - mostly off beat but again, she tries. Just goes to show it takes all kinds to make the Sock Monkey world go round. We love you Shasta!
Author's note: Hmmmmm....were the above actually semi-normal bios of sorts? Wow. I must be losing my edge. Though I must admit, it felt good to write nice bios. Don't get used to it.

PHOEBE, FLOYD & GUNNER

PHOEBE: Born - September 2012. Phoebe has a sling shot and uses it to hit the banana bunches off the trees. Well, that's what she pretends to be doing as we live where only pine cones exist on trees, not fruit. Mostly she misses the trees altogether and so far has destroyed a car window, the greenhouse panes, a boat as it was going by on the river and the neighbors dog's left eye. I think I'll switch her ammo from rocks to water balloons...
FLOYD: Born - September 2012. Floyd sometimes wonders around at night in a pair of glow-in-the-dark boxers. Not so bad, except when you wake up in a haze and all you see is glow-in-the-dark boxers walking around on their own. Still not so bad, except they have a picture of a smiley face on it winking which makes you wonder just what the smiley face saw to be winking at. Time to get a new pair of boxers for Floyd.
GUNNER: Born - September 2012. Gunner really doesn't have any weird issues or hang-ups for me to write about. He's actually kind of normal for a Sock Monkey. Most of the time he sits in his corner and stares off into space while petting his tail. Yup. That's pretty much it for Gunner. Now if I could just get him to stop drooling he'd be perfect.

DOMINIC, OXFORD & CASPIAN

DOMINIC: Born - September 2012. Dominic insists he's from outer space and used to live on a planet dominated by Apes. Personally, I think he was up late last night watching "Planet of the Apes" for the 7th time and is beginning to live in a fantasy. It may not be so bad. A world ruled by apes. What could possibly go wrong? One thing for sure, we'd all be lice free and well groomed. Okay Dominic, watch your movie as much as you want.
OXFORD: Born - September 2012. Oxford was named for the school Oxford because it's a cool name. Oxford didn't actually GO to Oxford - he's a stuffed monkey for pete's sake! Everyone knows sock monkeys don't go to Oxford! Sock Monkey's go to Aurora College and upgrade. They also get to hang out with my brother so that's pretty cool. Well, I think it's cool, the Sock Monkey upgrading population may have something else to say about it... 
CASPIAN: Born - September 2012. As I was leaving for work yesterday morning, I happened to look in my craft room window and there was Caspians butt in the window! The little brat was mooning me!! Not one to get offended by a monkeys butt, I mooned him back. This wouldn't be so bad except that I live on a main highway and it was the busy "go to work" time and I'm pretty sure all the vehicles honking weren't because there was a squirrel on the road. Damn Caspian...
Author's note: Come on folks. I didn't REALLY moon my sock monkey, that would be pushing it - even for me. I did give him the finger though....

DUKE YUKI, CHURCHILL & the EARL OF ZIN

That's right folks, I'm a little behind in these bio's as I took a small vacation and neglected all my responsibilities to this blog for 11 days. So, without further delay, I give you: Duke Yuki, Churchill & the Earl of Zin - all born in August of 2012.
DUKE YUKI: Duke Yuki lost his eye in a fencing match against an escaped chimpanzee from the circus. It was never meant to be a battle of sorts but, you know how excitable chimpanzees can get. After a minute of horsing around, Duke Yuki was dodging thrusts and running for his life. He made the mistake of turning to see how far the chimp was behind him and BAM! No more eye. No more hanging with escaped chimpanzees either.
CHURCHILL & the EARL OF ZIN: Though Churchill and Zin will deny it, I have it on good authority that they were the ones egging on the chimpanzee and encouraging the above battle. This is a concern as these two have been mixed up in other kerfuffle's and pegged as instigators. Hmmmmm.... Perhaps it's time to put in some hidden cameras for when I'm away. Of course, this could backfire as there are some things one should never see in their lifetime and these Sock Critters can be rather entertaining...Maybe I'll skip the video surveillance and just threaten them with duct tape and "chew toy" options.