Tuesday, October 30, 2012


FANG, HECTOR & ZINDER: October 2012. Three young sock monsters all done up for a night on the town. Mind you, that would be a night of drinking and debauchery so do they really need to be that done up?? Come on folks, sometimes even a paper bag over your head is all you need to be "done up" enough to enjoy an evening out. Try it sometime, you may like it. Unless of course you already have and it has left you with only sad stories to tell. In which case, don't try it again...not a good idea. 

SKULLY, LORD MANSON & HOCUS: OCTOBER 2012. So, these three sock monsters refuse to get involved with the above sock monsters as it never seems to end well. The last time these three went out with Fang, Hector and Zinder, I got a 3 a.m. wakeup call from the cops saying Skully, Lord Manson and Hocus were strung up and partially duct taped to the Inukshuk outside our Town Hall. Not a pretty sight and no, I didn't take pictures...
Author's note: to whomever decides to buy any of these six monsters, you'd be wise to keep them separated and away from duct tape...

Sunday, October 28, 2012


ADELE: October 2012. Raised in a barn, Adele has never figured out how to close doors. If I had a dime for every time I found the door left open, I'd be a wealthy lady. Which by the way, would be a good thing since I'd have to spend all my money on the heating bill as the cold hangs out in my house and the heat heads outside for a friendly romp in the snow. I won't be teaching Adele how to open the windows anytime soon...
ARIES: October 2012. Aries never found the kite he lost in the wind storm last April and is STILL sulking. Little does he know that it was found a week later but so damaged we had to throw it away. Since this kite meant so much to him, we didn't have the heart to tell him and let him think it's still out there, flying around in some distant winds, soaring to new places and having a grand adventure. Cruel? Maybe. Until you've listened to Aries whine about his kite, don't judge.
TATE: October 2012. Tate has a knee fetish. You can take that any way you want as I refuse to write about what he does when he attaches himself to one of my guests knees. Let's just say Tate has been called "inappropriate" many times...

Monday, October 22, 2012


JABBA - October 2012. Jabba is a cat nanny. This involves training the cat, playing with the cat, feeding the cat, grooming the cat and of course cleaning the cat litter. Jabba thought it would be cool to decorate the kitty litter box and believe it or not, has been asked by quite a few families to decorate their kitty litter boxes as well. I think Jabba is on to something. Now if she could only "decorate" the smell as easily as the litter box, she'd really be on to something!!
CHOI - October 2012. Choi seriously hates carrots which is odd as she's a Sock Bunny and all bunnies eat carrots.  That's about as weird as a Sock Monkey not liking bananas! What next? No banana daiquiris? No homemade carrot whiskey? What is the Sock Bunny & Monkey world coming to???
HAZE: October 2012. Haze pretty much lives in a daze. This can be attributed to the massive amount of weed he smokes and then quotes his favourite movie "Dude, Where's my Car?" over and over again until your laughing so hard you start snorting. Obviously you are contact high. Go with it.

Saturday, October 20, 2012


BUTLER: October 2012. Let me make one thing clear. Butler is NOT a butler. I know, I know, the whole name thing makes it awkward. However, should you accidentally ask him if he's a butler, be prepared to have this Sock Monkey lose it all over your a**. I'm not really sure why he's so touchy about it but just be aware that he is and you've been fairly warned.
PAWS: October 2012. Paws was named "Paws" as he was continually being told to "keep his paws off" or "get your paws outta there" or "clean your grubby paws". You get the idea. I won't even begin to tell you what they were referring to when they said "keep your paws off"...
CLAIRE: October 2012. Sweet little calm Claire. She  reminds me of this tiny two year old I know who is about the yummiest little girl you'd ever want to meet. Sweet disposition, petite features, gorgeous green eyes and what a mischievous yet sparkling smile. Makes me almost want to have another one. I meant another sock monkey NOT another kid!! Yikes! That would be a nightmare!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


This is "Lord Rosepetal". He is a sock monster. He's got horns and spikes down his back and at the tip of his tail is a small spike. He's actually quite a sweet fellow and would never harm anyone - even with those giant fangs. Lord Rosepetal just doesn't have it in him to be nasty or unkind. Now you're thinking "maybe he's not the sock monster for me then". Well good, 'cause he's not! Lord Rosepetal was created for the towns annual Halloween teen dance known as "Spookarama" and will be given away as one of the donations throughout the night. I would also like to thank my son Weston for naming him. You were right son. Your name suits him better than the one I had chosen. I look at Lord Rosepetal now and can't imagine him as a "Scott" or "Tom" - not that I would name him those, just that he's not one of those. Now I'm rambling.
Anyway, who ever ends up with him for a prize, I hope they appreciate Lord Rosepetal and treat him well.

Sunday, October 14, 2012


HAYWOOD: October 2012. Haywood has never admitted to it but I think he's the sock monkey that continually leaves the banana peels lying around on my floors. One time, at supper, I stepped on one of those peels and landed so hard on my butt I couldn't sit for a week. This of course, did not go over well with me and I threatened  to "unstuff" whichever sock monkey it was that left that peel out. Though no one has stepped forward, I have my suspicions as Haywood is always leaving stuff around and he does eat a lot of bananas...
PANDA: October 2012. Panda also wiped out on a banana peel but unlike me, was only laid up for a day. His solution to this problem was to invent a banana peel detector that he wears on his head at all times. It doesn't really work BUT, it's so heavy that it weighs his head down and therefore he is always looking down. He never misses a banana peel now. Clever sock monkey.
OSHAWA: October 2012. While Oshawa has not yet wiped out on a banana peel, he has come close a few times. How he misses them every time I'll never figure out. He has some kind of uncanny third sense that keeps him from slipping on peels. He also manages to avoid getting run over when he crosses the highway in the middle of lunch hour traffic.  Come to think of it, he also avoids trains when he's playing on the tracks and logging trucks on the bush trails. Perhaps it's not a third sense and instead is a "sock monkey angel" watching out for him. Lucky bastard.
LORENZO: October 2012. Lorenzo is continually picking up after all the sock monkey's and never wipes out on anything as he's too busy cleaning up what ever he could wipe out on. I think he's the smartest one of us all and deserves a medal for all the cleaning he does. I also think he knows exactly who is leaving those damn banana peels on the floor and is just too nice to rat him out. Time to threaten him with an "unstuffing" and see how long it takes before he talks...

Wednesday, October 10, 2012




You know, this is what happens when you have way too many things on the go. These six Sock Monkey's were part of my September batch and here it is October and I'm only getting around to them now. It's no wonder they cut holes in all my gloves and wrote "you suk" on every sheet of my toilet paper roll...
So, here's to these six wonderful Sock Monkeys, who have made the last two weeks of my life entertaining and are now hanging up at the local store waiting to be sold and hopefully loved by someone who gives a shi - OOPS!! I mean someone who really cares about these monkeys and will love them always...like I do... seriously.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


EMMETT: October 2012. Emmett has issues with carving turkeys. It was Thanksgiving this past weekend here in Canada and we had a rather large turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. As soon as my husband grabbed the knife to carve the turkey, Emmett lost it. I'm not talking lost it in a postal kind of way, but lost it as in "woofed his cookies" all over the kitchen floor. This of course started a chain reaction of vomiting and by the end of the evening, no one ate the damn turkey and I spent most of the time on my hands and knees cleaning up "woofed cookies". BUT, I am still thankful. Extremely thankful for a strong stomach and Mr. Clean...
CLOVER: October 2012. Clover never made it upstairs for the Turkey dinner. He knew Emmett was here and opted not to have a repeat of what happened last Thanksgiving. Maybe Clover should have for warned me. Perhaps next year it will be rabbit we eat for Thanksgiving...
JIGSAW: October 2012. Jigsaw actually made it upstairs. His only words out of his mouth before he lost his cookies were "Oh no, not again!" I think Sock Bunny's are mildly retarded and need to remember to let people in on the whole "Emmett will lose it" thing.
Author's note: Okay, did not mean to offend anyone with the whole "losing their cookies" thing AND the whole "Sock Bunny retarded" thing. Sock Bunnies don't have brains people so they can't be retarded. They're just idiots.

Thursday, October 4, 2012


RIO, BOO, CADET & ARIZONA: Born - October 2012. This happy little foursome is one of the families that get together every weekend and play the board game "Snakes and Ladders" until the wee hours of each morning. It's quite entertaining to watch if you can make it through a night with them. If you can also make it through all the poor sportsmanship, swearing and biting, you might earn a spot on their team as a 'sub' if for some reason one of them can't make the game. I seriously had no idea that "Snakes and Ladders" was such a competitive game! Mind you, Sock Monkey's have their own rules and can make them up on the go in order to suit their outcome. This of course, makes it all the more thrilling as it can change on a dime - one minute the game is proceeding quite happily, the next minute you're taking cover and dodging game pieces. Despite the possibility of losing an eye and possibly having a tetanus shot due to sock monkey bites, I highly recommend checking it out sometime. Better than sitting in front of the TV all weekend...