GUNTHER

GUNTHER: March 2013. Gunther looks confused. There is a reason for this. Today is the 21st of March and the day most people think is the first day of spring. WRONG! Yesterday was the first day of spring. Here in lies Gunther's confusion. The first day of summer AND the summer Solstice AND the longest day of the year - June 21st. The Winter Solstice AND the shortest day of the year - December 21st. First day of Autumn - September 21st or is it the 22nd this year? ANYWAY, why do they all have the 21st as their dates and then Spring is the 20th??? It messes you up. Gunther can't handle this kind of tom-foolery. I say keep it all the 21st and NO ONE gets hurt - oops! I mean confused...especially Gunther... or me...

GERTRUDE, OLIVER & LYNNE

GERTRUDE: March 2013. Gertrude's pattern on her body are cows. Now, when I come up with names, sometimes they just happen to match the sock, sometimes the "look" of the sock monkey and sometimes they make absolutely no sense. Well, this time, I was stumped because I really thought "Bessie" was a better cow name BUT, I had already used that name on another sock monkey and heaven forbid I accidentally name two sock monkeys the same name. So, I went on line to "goodcownames.com" and of course, Gertrude wasn't there and all the other names were just silly. I actually got tired of looking and thinking for this name and in a fit of "who the heck really cares", Gertrude just came to me. There. Now you know all the hard work behind finding sock monkey names.
OLIVER: March 2013.  Oliver has owls all over his body so he was easy to name. You think of owls and Oliver is one of the first names that will come to your mind. Try it. Okay, you can't try it now because I've already planted the name Oliver in your head for an owl and therefore this would be an exercise in futility. Next time you see an owl though, I bet all you think about is his name being Oliver.
LYNNE: March 2013. So, who names a sock monkey with ladybugs all over her "Lynne"? Well, that would be me. I was trying to find a name that would fit with the song "Ladybug, Ladybug, fly away home. Your house is on fire and your kids are alone". Firstly, who the heck writes this stuff? Why would a Ladybug be away from her kids AND just because she's a Ladybug does NOT mean she's a female AND do we just assume that she would have kids or even want them? Secondly, who the hell gives a child ladybug matches so they can burn down their home?! And what is their home - a hole in a stick? This song/nursery rhyme really should be re-thought. Which, is what I did, re-thought it and came up with this: "Hey Lynne, someone gave your kids matches and they're burning down your house, you'd best leave the bar and go deal with your unfortunate situation".
Author's note: Just so you know, I really DID look up "goodcownames.com" and it is out there! Check it out sometime, you might find a few good names for your future children. Also, keep an eye out for my new book "Nursery Rhymes and Songs Re-Visited". You're gonna love it.

MOOSE, QUAMI & KEZIA

MOOSE, QUAMI & KEZIA: March 2013. So there I was in the Zellers at Grande Prairie, which just happened to have a "Going out of Business" sale and I found myself in the little girls section checking out what was left of the socks. Absolutely nothing. Apparently socks are a hot commodity in Grande Prairie and Zellers sold out of their socks within hours. Okay, I just made that up, they probably sold out in days. As I left the little girl section of Zellers and headed towards the door to the rest of the mall, there in someones cart were these three pairs of socks - along with other items BUT, it was the socks that caught my eyes. I looked around to see if there was an owner to this cart and not seeing anyone close by, I figured it was fair game. Hey - don't judge. YOU should try shopping at a "going out of business" sale and see what you do for an item. ANYWAY, I of course did the right thing and grabbed the socks, ran to the checkout counter, paid for them and shoved them in the bottom of my "Suzy Shier" bag. Then, without looking back, I got the hell outta there. The last thing I remember was some woman looking around her cart for a missing item and trying to console her crying daughter, who was probably spoiled anyway and didn't really need those socks (at least that's what I tell myself, it helps me deal with the guilt).

So my friends, I am now a criminal and Moose, Quami and Kezia are pretty much accomplices in some twisted way. The moral of this story? Never leave your cart unattended at a "going out of business" sale. There's some pretty crazy people out there.... 

HOWLER & VIKING

HOWLER: February 2013. Howler was found peeling potatoes in the back of a french fry shop for some sleazy guy who bought him from a loan shark in Wales. After I rescued him and brought him home, it took weeks to get him out of my potato bin and stop peeling all the potatoes. Man, can you get sick of eating potatoes really fast! Howler is now the happy Sock Monster to a young man named Carson who's very first debit card purchase was this lucky Sock Monster! I hear he's been caught sitting in the potato bin a few times - some habits are hard to break...
VIKING: February 2013. Viking is a true lover of meatloaf. Not meatloaf the singer (although he's pretty awesome) but meatloaf the actual food. I have never really cared for meatloaf (not the singer, the food) and only cook it once in awhile when I run out of ideas for hamburger. Viking however, could eat it 24/7 and never get sick of it. He also makes a mean curry meatloaf dish that will give you gas for days BUT, so worth it!! I'm thinking I should let him cook a little more often and maybe he'll try a different cuisine other than meatloaf. Gotta love that Meatloaf (yes, the singer this time, not the food).