Friday, December 27, 2013
DASHER, DANCER & PRANCER: December 2013. These were part of the original sock monkeys that were chosen to fly Santa's sleigh. It's true. Sock Monkey's can fly when harnessed to a sleigh and pulling a jolly old man in red. That is apparently the ONLY time they can fly though and this wasn't good enough for Santa as he wanted use of the sleigh on New Years Eve when he goes out and parties with the elves. Someone has to drive the sleigh home and Sock monkey's can't when harnessed to a sleigh pulling an intoxicated Santa with a lamp shade on his head and throwing bottles out of the sleigh while making out with three cute elves - it's too distracting. Therefore, Santa switched to reindeer because they are dumb. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Author's note: If you're reading this Santa, the truth had to come out sometime....
Monday, December 9, 2013
VIDAL: December 2013. When was the last time you went through your record collection and pulled out your "Bay City Rollers" album? Well, I can tell you that I did that last week and am regretting that adventure. Vidal has not stopped playing "Saturday Night" over and over again and it's driving me CRAZY! He has downloaded the You Tube video, I-tuned the song, has it as his ring tone and is currently singing it in the shower as I write his. Time to flush all the toilets....
CAYAN: December 2013. Cayan is doing his very best to ignore Vidal and all the Bay City Roller trivia he throws Cayan's way. I mean really, how much trivia can there be? What was their hit? "Saturday Night". That's it. I think Cayan is on a mission to seek out and destroy all things Bay City Roller"ish". Perhaps I'll help...
Author's note: I actually love the Bay City Rollers and am currently singing their song in our band - Yeehaw!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
RIZZO: November 2013: Rizzo is a young Sock Monkey learning how to farm ant hills for Aardvark consumption. Why you may ask? Well, did you know that there are starving aardvarks out there? Who is taking care of that issue? No one. Rizzo has started a campaign to raise money, awareness and fund his ant farms. You can send your donation to "Aardvarks Matter Too" through the website: www.aardvarksrock.com. Thank you for your GENEROUS donation!
WOOKIE: November 2013: Wookie is generally on the receiving end of ant farms and delivers them for Rizzo. While he is quite happy to be a part of this magnificent effort, he's getting a little tired of dealing with broken ant farms through the mail and trying to find every escaped ant. Wookie has taken to bringing a starving aardvark with him when he reaches the post office and while this makes his life easier, the post office workers are starting to protest. Did you know that they can get as large as 180 lbs??? Not fun to deal with in a tiny post office when it's on a hunt for ants...
Author's note: The above website and campaign are just fictional (although if you feel inclined to send money, I can give you my address -oops, I mean an aardvark shelter address...). If you try the website though, it will take you to a radio station in Texas called Aardvark Rock FM. How cool is that???
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
MO: November 2013. Mo is amazing. He is covered in moustaches and grew one just for Movember. He is a donation to a wonderful coffee shop (She Takes The Cake Cafe) that will use him for one of their draws and help promote Cancer awareness at the same time. You rock Mo!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
POLLY: October 2013. Polly knows one song and one song only, which she sings over and over and over until you have to physically grab her by the tail and whip her around a few times in order to make her stop. She's not a bad singer and actually has a sweet voice but if I hear the song "Polly Wally Doodle All Day" one more time over and over again, whipping her around by the tail may not be the only thing that happens to her... Find another song Polly!
EREBUS: October 2013. So, did you know that the actual meaning of "Erebus" is all about "the place of darkness between earth and Hades"? Well I didn't. Now that I do though, a few things are making sense. For instance, I now understand why Polly is afraid of Erebus and why he threatens her every time she sings. Telling someone you're going to send them to your "namesake" if they keep singing isn't that scary until you figure out what they are named for. I had better enlighten Polly and maybe we'll all get some peace and quiet.
FLORENCE: October 2013. Florence actually likes the song "Polly Wally Doodle All Day" and has been known to clap along or sing with Polly. She's also been known to hang from the ceiling fan with a package of macaroni bologna that she shreds and throws at unsuspecting people while yelling "It's a direct hit, I repeat, a direct hit!!". We are not sure who she's relaying that message to but, if you're in her line of fire, duck.
Shredded macaroni bologna doesn't smell very good when it's been stuck in your hair for a day and you had no idea...
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
August 2013. So, there I was, wearing my giant white rabbit suit, driving down the highway in my canoe and I got a flat tire. As I am trying to figure out how many pancakes I need in order to fix it, a bright yellow scooter pulls up and off jump Bandit, Ruthie and Schnapps. After questioning my sanity and laughing at my bunny outfit, they offer to help fix my flat. "Great," I am thinking to myself, "now I have a crew of sock monkeys trying to help out."
After much cursing and brainstorming, we finally decide someone has to go to the store and pick up ice cream as it doesn't have any bones and should do the job on my flat. No one could decide who should go so we all went. Let me tell you, one giant white rabbit and three sock monkeys on a bright yellow scooter driving downtown to the grocery store causes a whole lotta car wrecks and mass confusion.
ANYWAY, to make a very long story much shorter, we managed to fix the flat and my canoe was up and running in no time. I thanked my crew, gave them the last of the ice cream and continued on my way to the funny farm where giant pigs can actually fly. Trust me, someday you will appreciate this story....
Author's note: I am running on very little sleep and not enough coffee. The above only happens in my world so don't worry about your own sanity, just enjoy the ride with me...