PHOEBE, FLOYD & GUNNER

PHOEBE: Born - September 2012. Phoebe has a sling shot and uses it to hit the banana bunches off the trees. Well, that's what she pretends to be doing as we live where only pine cones exist on trees, not fruit. Mostly she misses the trees altogether and so far has destroyed a car window, the greenhouse panes, a boat as it was going by on the river and the neighbors dog's left eye. I think I'll switch her ammo from rocks to water balloons...
FLOYD: Born - September 2012. Floyd sometimes wonders around at night in a pair of glow-in-the-dark boxers. Not so bad, except when you wake up in a haze and all you see is glow-in-the-dark boxers walking around on their own. Still not so bad, except they have a picture of a smiley face on it winking which makes you wonder just what the smiley face saw to be winking at. Time to get a new pair of boxers for Floyd.
GUNNER: Born - September 2012. Gunner really doesn't have any weird issues or hang-ups for me to write about. He's actually kind of normal for a Sock Monkey. Most of the time he sits in his corner and stares off into space while petting his tail. Yup. That's pretty much it for Gunner. Now if I could just get him to stop drooling he'd be perfect.

DOMINIC, OXFORD & CASPIAN

DOMINIC: Born - September 2012. Dominic insists he's from outer space and used to live on a planet dominated by Apes. Personally, I think he was up late last night watching "Planet of the Apes" for the 7th time and is beginning to live in a fantasy. It may not be so bad. A world ruled by apes. What could possibly go wrong? One thing for sure, we'd all be lice free and well groomed. Okay Dominic, watch your movie as much as you want.
OXFORD: Born - September 2012. Oxford was named for the school Oxford because it's a cool name. Oxford didn't actually GO to Oxford - he's a stuffed monkey for pete's sake! Everyone knows sock monkeys don't go to Oxford! Sock Monkey's go to Aurora College and upgrade. They also get to hang out with my brother so that's pretty cool. Well, I think it's cool, the Sock Monkey upgrading population may have something else to say about it... 
CASPIAN: Born - September 2012. As I was leaving for work yesterday morning, I happened to look in my craft room window and there was Caspians butt in the window! The little brat was mooning me!! Not one to get offended by a monkeys butt, I mooned him back. This wouldn't be so bad except that I live on a main highway and it was the busy "go to work" time and I'm pretty sure all the vehicles honking weren't because there was a squirrel on the road. Damn Caspian...
Author's note: Come on folks. I didn't REALLY moon my sock monkey, that would be pushing it - even for me. I did give him the finger though....

DUKE YUKI, CHURCHILL & the EARL OF ZIN

That's right folks, I'm a little behind in these bio's as I took a small vacation and neglected all my responsibilities to this blog for 11 days. So, without further delay, I give you: Duke Yuki, Churchill & the Earl of Zin - all born in August of 2012.
DUKE YUKI: Duke Yuki lost his eye in a fencing match against an escaped chimpanzee from the circus. It was never meant to be a battle of sorts but, you know how excitable chimpanzees can get. After a minute of horsing around, Duke Yuki was dodging thrusts and running for his life. He made the mistake of turning to see how far the chimp was behind him and BAM! No more eye. No more hanging with escaped chimpanzees either.
CHURCHILL & the EARL OF ZIN: Though Churchill and Zin will deny it, I have it on good authority that they were the ones egging on the chimpanzee and encouraging the above battle. This is a concern as these two have been mixed up in other kerfuffle's and pegged as instigators. Hmmmmm.... Perhaps it's time to put in some hidden cameras for when I'm away. Of course, this could backfire as there are some things one should never see in their lifetime and these Sock Critters can be rather entertaining...Maybe I'll skip the video surveillance and just threaten them with duct tape and "chew toy" options.

DENZEL, BUNBURY & COLLETTE

DENZEL: Born - August 2012.  Denzel just happens to walk rather softly and carry a big gun. Most of the other sock monkeys are afraid of him and keep their distance. Actually, the Sock Monkey Council is trying to figure out a way to get a permanent bell put on Denzel so they can hear him everytime he walks in the room. However, as everyone is afraid of his big gun, no one has volunteered to "bell the monkey". Personally, I think they're being over sensitive and Denzel is actually a sweet, kind and - HOLY CRAP DENZEL!! Stop sneaking up on me and point that damn gun elsewhere!!! I gotta get me a bell.....

BUNBURY: Born - August 2012. Bunbury. Where in the heck I came up with that name I'll never figure out. Sometimes I look at the sock before it's a monkey and name it, sometimes I don't name it until it's finished. Bunbury came to me in a moment of daydreaming about the alien invasion that will happen on December 21st - they will attack with freshly baked buns. And there it was, "Bunbury".

COLLETTE: Born - August 2012. Collette works in collections. She's the one on the other end of the phone threatening you if you don't start paying your bills. Folks, I would take her seriously. She and Denzel go way back and we all know he carries a big gun. The last thing you need is some silent sock monkey sneaking in your house with a gun...

Author's note: I really don't think aliens are going to invade with freshly baked buns, it's more likely they'll attack with eggplant. Hurts more when you get hit by one. AND, Denzel's gun is actually a super soaker from walmart, I'd NEVER let my sockmonkey's near real weapons of mass destruction...honest, I wouldn't.

GREG

GREG: Born - August 2012. This is Greg. Greg plays guitar and rather well I might say. Sometimes Greg wakes up with all his clothes on. This is not a bad thing as most musicians would wake up naked and in someone else's house. Greg is tall. Greg wears glasses. Greg has a great smile. Greg hosts awesome jams. Greg fit in with our band. Greg molded well into our groove. Greg is leaving. We hate Greg. 

Author's note: We do NOT hate Greg. We LOVE Greg and are sad to see him go. This was simply my alter-ego having a moment. "He who shall not be named" will be greatly missed. I am not bitter...

IVAN, AUDREY & KEATON

IVAN: Born - August 2012. Ivan is known as "Ivan the Terrible" in the Sock Monkey circles. Not because he's terrible in a mean sort of way but, because he's terrible at remembering names. You can introduce yourself or a friend to him and within a minute he has forgotten your name and calls you something like "hey, you....whatsitsnuts" or "dude with the hair" or "really tall person". It's so bad sometimes that he forgets to call his mom "mom"....

AUDREY: Born - August 2012. Audrey had a recent nose job and complains bitterly about the new nose. We offered to break her new one for her and let her start again but she hasn't accepted that...yet. I think we might just do it anyway - we're all tired of hearing how the surgeon "butchered" her old nose. Time to do some butchering of our own.

KEATON: Born - August 2012. Keaton recently stepped on a spider and was so worried he would make it rain that he walked around with an umbrella everywhere he went for two weeks. It was kind of sad. You know those cartoons where the character walks around with a constant cloud over his head? Well, that's what it was like - except without the cloud. Keaton avoids all tiny creatures now and lives hanging on to his umbrella at all times.

OOPS! I MISSED A TRIO...

My bad. These three sock monkeys were created in July and I'm just a little disappointed in myself for being forgetful and not posting their bios on time. I will try and do them justice and write only good things about them...Okay, not an easy task I know BUT, I shall persevere!

MAYBELLE: Born - July 2012. Maybelle used to live on a goat farm and would milk the goats in order to make her favourite goat cheese which she would spread on her banana split every morning before the sun came up. This went on for a few months before the owner realized Maybelle was eating most of his profits and had to fire her. Maybelle went to rehab for awhile to control her goat cheese addiction and seems to have her cravings under control. I am a little concerned though as my Goats Milk Soap seems to be disappearing at a fast pace. Hmmmmmm....

ELLIS: Born - July 2012. Ellis went a little crazy yesterday and I had to restrain him in a tube sock for an hour before he calmed down. Seems the other Sock monkeys have been teasing him with the "Name Game" song - come on, you know the one. "Ellis, Ellis Bo Bellis, banana mana bo bellis, fee fi mo mellis....Ellis." This of course is cute the first time but after an hour of it sung outta tune by sock monkeys, well, you can see how someone might lose it. Ellis is okay now though, I bought him ear plugs.

BEVERLY: Born - July 2012. Beverly, my sweet Sock Monkey Beverly. At least I thought she was a sweet sock monkey until I took her to the bar on Friday. Not only did she consume way too many banana tequila shots BUT, she proceeded to yell at the band "YOU SUCK" at the top of her lungs, passed out on her chair every time the Bouncer walked by and dirty danced with a random young man who I swear will never forget this evening as long as he lives. Just goes to show that you can dress up your Beverly's but you can't take them out....

Author's note: I love my two Beverly's and would take them out anytime! That's right girl's - I got your back! No one's gonna boot us out - at least not this week....