JACQUE & HENRY

JACQUE & HENRY: Born - June 2012. These two cousins are most definitely from the Sock Monster family and are currently seeking female companionship of Sock Monster orientation. Actually, they're really not that picky - you could be a really cute Sock Monkey and they'd be happy to take you out and get to know you. Truthfully, you could just be an old pair of socks left on the side of the road somewhere and they'd still be happy to hang out with you...

Seriously though, all they want is someone who appreciates their fine looks and monsterly physique. Someone who will hug them and squeeze them and NOT call them George. You can answer their ad in the local paper this week and by next month, you could be well on your way to the most amazing relationship of your life! Come on - who can resist these guys?? 

Author's note: If you did not get the whole "hug them and squeeze them and call them George" reference, then you did not watch enough Bugs Bunny as a child. 

McDEE, McBEE, McKAY, McJAY

McDEE, McBEE, McKAY, McJAY: Born - June 2012. There they are folks. The members of the Sock Monkey Rock Group called "Bush Pickle". It is a rare opportunity to actually sit down with these rockers and chat since they're so busy playing the circuit and promoting their new album called "Salty Muff" which of course features their hit single "McKAY and the Goat". With a whirlwind tour on their hands it's a wonder any song writing gets done. However, these clever monkeys can bang out song after song without any trouble. A few songs to check out on their new album: "Drummer Veto" or "The Bass Players Cut Off" and you're gonna love the blusie undertones to "Mastering the LOOK" which features a two minute solo from guest guitarist McGEE (not pictured above due to intoxication). 
When these rockers aren't on the road, they are at home thinking about being on the road. Come on! Road trips with a band? That beats jobs, family, responsibility and stability any day. Keep on rockin! 

REUBEN, HENRIETTA & TWAIN

REUBEN: Born - June 2012. Reuben likes to wander the streets at 12 noon, wearing a sandwich board that reads "DON'T DRINK & DRIVE, YOU'LL ONLY SPILL IT". Usually, he has a banana daiquiri in his hand at this time and is stumbling aimlessly down the street. By 12:17 pm he's uttered obscenities at the general public and flashed a few high school students. By 12:31 pm he's running from the cops. By 12:42 pm I usually have the cops in my yard handing over Reuben and asking me to keep a leash on him. By 1:00 pm he's passed out and I am writing apologies to the local businesses, student body, cops and pretty much all community members. By midnight I am done with the phone calls, threats of lawsuits and have had my house egged twice. I've come to the conclusion that Reuben must go. Soon.

HENRIETTA: Born - June 2012. Henrietta feeds Reuben the daiquiri's and also writes the slogans for his sandwich boards. I once caught her sending him off with one the read "2012 - LET'S NOT F**K IT UP" or last month it was "IF BARBIE'S NOT A SLUT, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER BOYFRIENDS?". That one actually made it out of the house and you wouldn't believe the hate mail I got from mothers everywhere!! I have decided that Henrietta must also go.

TWAIN: Born - June 2012. Twain just laughs at me and says "You created them - what did you expect?" Twain has now made the "to go" list...

ETHAN & HOLLIE

ETHAN & HOLLIE: Born - June 2012. Look at these two lovebirds. Aren't they just so cute? Don't you just want to hug them both and tell them how darn sweet they are? They're just so blissfully unaware and only have eyes for each other. In their world, neither can do no wrong, there are no expectations and their love for each other is unconditional. Sigh.... Doesn't it make you want to puke? Someones gotta burst their happy bubble and give them the facts of love straight up. Actually, don't bother. Give them a few months - at tops a year - and they'll be on each others nerves, expectations will be high and the unconditional love will be nothing but unattainable demands. Isn't true love great? 

Author's note: I am not bitter.

HEDGEHOGS?

In my never ending pursuit of ways to use bits of leftover socks, I had an inspiring moment when I saw my mother's hedgehog door stop and a light bulb went off somewhere in my brain - and I mean somewhere deep within the far reaches of a slightly off-balanced brain (just keep reading Bev...).

After a few attempts with different materials and larger eyes, I actually looked at a hedgehog picture and made some changes to the "proto-types". A slight tweak to my pattern, a smaller eye, no pink in the ears, shorter spikes and TA-DAA!!!! My newest "Sock Creation" was born!

Now what? Well, as usual with me and the way my mind works, I shall mass produce and take over the Toy Sock world one Monkey, Owl and now Hedgehog at a time. Yes folks, I am that diabolical and committed to pull this off.

ANYWAY, continue checking out my blog as you never know what may show up next in my Sock Creature World.

Author's note: If you are wondering about the Owl reference, check out my January 2011 blog and look for "Not Sock Monkeys - Sock Owls". If you're wondering about the "Bev" reference, just read some of the comments posted on my blogs....Love you Bev!! 

RUTHIE, BINK & KATT

RUTHIE: Born - June 2012. Ruthie is obsessed with anything that has to do with Beatrix Potter and all her characters she's written stories about. Her favourite being Peter Cottontail, Ruthie loves how he continually snitches vegetables from Mr. McGregor's garden and manages to dodge a bullet every time. Interesting. My neighbor called and said she saw a strange small creature trying to snag her prized pumpkin the other day. I think Ruthie and I better have a chat...

BINK: Born - June 2012. "Ink Bink, You Stink"! Poor Bink. He's heard that comment every day of his life from the other Sock Monkeys. Problem is, they're right. Bink has a "gas" problem and really does stink. Seriously, some days it's pretty bad and we have to quarantine him to the closet. I know - doesn't sound nice BUT, for the sake of breathing, it's the only semi-humane thing we can do.

KATT: Born - June 2012. Katt is probably the only Sock Monkey I know who wears socks. I found her in my sock drawer trying on all my socks and leaving a scattered mess of mis-matched socks everywhere. All I can say is it's a good thing it's socks she likes to wear and not underwear. That would not be so good...Katt in my underwear drawer... 

GENEVIEVE, STARLING & LOLLI

GENEVIEVE: Born - May 2012. Genevieve lives in a shoe box that used to house my CAT boots. Why she insists on hanging out in these cramped quarters, I'll never understand. All the sock monkeys have the run of my place and can pretty much "hang" wherever they want. Not Genevieve. She curls her long body up at night, lays down in the shoe box and insists on the lid being closed.  I guess it's not that different than me hanging out in the giant cardboard box on my back deck - which is supposed to be for my grandson but he doesn't seem to interested in it. Come on! It's a huge box! Who wouldn't want to hang out in there?? Okay, skip my top remark about "never understanding"...boxes are cool.

STARLING & LOLLI: Born - May 2012. These two Sock Monkeys have just started a new diet called "Eat Clean". Now, here's my first concern. Sock Monkeys only eat bananas, alcohol and sour chews. That's already a rather "clean" diet if you ask me. Secondly, I think they've taken the "Eat Clean" expression quite literally. They bleach the bananas and have taken to polishing the sour chews and skipping the banana daiquiris all together. What has the Sock Monkey world come to?? What if they all decide to give this a try? Soon they'll be nothing but a pile of sober Sock Monkeys running around here and all hell will break loose. Not a "sobering" thought.... Time to put my foot down and spike their water...

Author's Note: Seriously folks, these bio's are just for fun. I don't encourage my Sock Monkeys to drink nor would I ever consider spiking their water. It's all in good fun, please remember that when you come to charge me with Sock Monkey harassment and find me passed out in my cardboard box.....