GERTRUDE, OLIVER & LYNNE

GERTRUDE: March 2013. Gertrude's pattern on her body are cows. Now, when I come up with names, sometimes they just happen to match the sock, sometimes the "look" of the sock monkey and sometimes they make absolutely no sense. Well, this time, I was stumped because I really thought "Bessie" was a better cow name BUT, I had already used that name on another sock monkey and heaven forbid I accidentally name two sock monkeys the same name. So, I went on line to "goodcownames.com" and of course, Gertrude wasn't there and all the other names were just silly. I actually got tired of looking and thinking for this name and in a fit of "who the heck really cares", Gertrude just came to me. There. Now you know all the hard work behind finding sock monkey names.
OLIVER: March 2013.  Oliver has owls all over his body so he was easy to name. You think of owls and Oliver is one of the first names that will come to your mind. Try it. Okay, you can't try it now because I've already planted the name Oliver in your head for an owl and therefore this would be an exercise in futility. Next time you see an owl though, I bet all you think about is his name being Oliver.
LYNNE: March 2013. So, who names a sock monkey with ladybugs all over her "Lynne"? Well, that would be me. I was trying to find a name that would fit with the song "Ladybug, Ladybug, fly away home. Your house is on fire and your kids are alone". Firstly, who the heck writes this stuff? Why would a Ladybug be away from her kids AND just because she's a Ladybug does NOT mean she's a female AND do we just assume that she would have kids or even want them? Secondly, who the hell gives a child ladybug matches so they can burn down their home?! And what is their home - a hole in a stick? This song/nursery rhyme really should be re-thought. Which, is what I did, re-thought it and came up with this: "Hey Lynne, someone gave your kids matches and they're burning down your house, you'd best leave the bar and go deal with your unfortunate situation".
Author's note: Just so you know, I really DID look up "goodcownames.com" and it is out there! Check it out sometime, you might find a few good names for your future children. Also, keep an eye out for my new book "Nursery Rhymes and Songs Re-Visited". You're gonna love it.

MOOSE, QUAMI & KEZIA

MOOSE, QUAMI & KEZIA: March 2013. So there I was in the Zellers at Grande Prairie, which just happened to have a "Going out of Business" sale and I found myself in the little girls section checking out what was left of the socks. Absolutely nothing. Apparently socks are a hot commodity in Grande Prairie and Zellers sold out of their socks within hours. Okay, I just made that up, they probably sold out in days. As I left the little girl section of Zellers and headed towards the door to the rest of the mall, there in someones cart were these three pairs of socks - along with other items BUT, it was the socks that caught my eyes. I looked around to see if there was an owner to this cart and not seeing anyone close by, I figured it was fair game. Hey - don't judge. YOU should try shopping at a "going out of business" sale and see what you do for an item. ANYWAY, I of course did the right thing and grabbed the socks, ran to the checkout counter, paid for them and shoved them in the bottom of my "Suzy Shier" bag. Then, without looking back, I got the hell outta there. The last thing I remember was some woman looking around her cart for a missing item and trying to console her crying daughter, who was probably spoiled anyway and didn't really need those socks (at least that's what I tell myself, it helps me deal with the guilt).

So my friends, I am now a criminal and Moose, Quami and Kezia are pretty much accomplices in some twisted way. The moral of this story? Never leave your cart unattended at a "going out of business" sale. There's some pretty crazy people out there.... 

HOWLER & VIKING

HOWLER: February 2013. Howler was found peeling potatoes in the back of a french fry shop for some sleazy guy who bought him from a loan shark in Wales. After I rescued him and brought him home, it took weeks to get him out of my potato bin and stop peeling all the potatoes. Man, can you get sick of eating potatoes really fast! Howler is now the happy Sock Monster to a young man named Carson who's very first debit card purchase was this lucky Sock Monster! I hear he's been caught sitting in the potato bin a few times - some habits are hard to break...
VIKING: February 2013. Viking is a true lover of meatloaf. Not meatloaf the singer (although he's pretty awesome) but meatloaf the actual food. I have never really cared for meatloaf (not the singer, the food) and only cook it once in awhile when I run out of ideas for hamburger. Viking however, could eat it 24/7 and never get sick of it. He also makes a mean curry meatloaf dish that will give you gas for days BUT, so worth it!! I'm thinking I should let him cook a little more often and maybe he'll try a different cuisine other than meatloaf. Gotta love that Meatloaf (yes, the singer this time, not the food).  

FEBRUARY.....AHHHHHHH!!!!

TARSUS & KENO - February 2013.

BAFFIN & HIGGENS - February 2013

VERA, PANDA & NIXIE - February 2013.

I must apologize to anyone who still follows this blog (Bev). This month has been rather "taxing" on me and my family, and I have been lazy and not very attentive to things that matter - like my Sock Monkeys and this Blog. I will step up now and remedy the situation by being a little more diligent and make sure that I continually update and blog. Seriously, it gives me such pleasure and it's a great creative release to me so why have I neglected it? But folks (Bev), this is not about me. This is about the above Sock Monkeys. So without further pause, here goes the bios....

TARSUS, KENO, BAFFIN, HIGGENS, VERA, PANDA & NIXIE: All created in February of 2013 and all lucky they made it to the end of February without being dismantled limb by limb. These seven monkeys have been the "bain of my existence" for almost a month with the whole "when are you gonna write about us?", "why aren't you blogging?", "we're important too you know!", "that's it, we're taking things into our own hands - how do you turn on a computer?", "we've decided to vote you off the island", "you friggen' suck!", "snap out of it you big baby!"  I could go on but then I'd just get angry and someone would end up crying - probably me....

Needless to say, I sent these Sock Monkeys to the store and am happy to report they have all found new homes. Except Vera, but she's kind of a bitch.

Once again, thank you my faithful followers (Bev), and I shall make a point to blog more often in the coming month.

Author's note: Vera really isn't a bitch, I just said that for comic relief. And if you believe that then you'll also believe I have a giant living in my closet who only comes out at night and cooks eggplant in the microwave while reading Moby Dick to his pet walrus Barry.

BLACK BEAUTY & SNOW WHITE

BLACK BEAUTY & SNOW WHITE: February 2013. Well, I could go for the obvious here and tell you these two were named for famous children's stories and write their bio's around them BUT, that would just be too easy - especially since these two Sock Monkey's have nothing to do with those stories. Actually, Black Beauty and Snow White aren't even their real names.
These two Sock Monkey's are pole dancers at the local strip club "Monkey's Gone Wild" and Black Beauty and Snow White are just their stage names. Every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night, you can catch these two and their act around midnight on stage. Their act consists of a lot of spinning, climbing, winking, three french hens, two turtle doves and an Ocelot on a pole. They kinda suck come to think of it but hey, it's a living. Don't miss out on the next show - you're in for a real treat!

CHOPIN, REX, BRAMBLE & SARINA

CHOPIN, REX, BRAMBLE & SARINA: January 2013.  These four sock monkeys recently went on a Safari in my son's bedroom. They climbed mounds of dirty clothing, dealt with live bacteria from moldy sandwiches and rotten fruit, suffered under the harsh lights of his 500 watt lamp,  battled dust bunnies the size of rodents, almost strangled by unruly chords for Ipods, cell phones and stereo wires and slept in a tent made from old slightly damp towels. These four adventurous souls were gone for over a week before I was brave enough to venture in and wade through the depths to rescue them. Although they were slightly starved after living on potato chip remnants and sticky candy parts, they came out relatively unscathed and happy to take a bath for the first time....

Author's note: Anyone else have the same issues with their teenage sons rooms? No? Just me? Yikes... 

WALTER, ELAINE & ZINNIA

These next three Sock Monkeys are all single ones that were made for people with a specific person in mind. They all went to their respective homes at Christmas and I hear were received with love and big smiles!

Walter.
This young fellow went to a gentleman in B.C. who happens to be the brother of the lady whom works in the store that I sell my Sock Monkey's at. Walter and his owner Bradley like to hang out together and take long walks in the rain.

Elaine
When this Sock Monkey was requested, it had to be "red & black" and "you have to name her for my friend Elaine". No problem. I just happened to have a pair of red & black knee highs in my pile and since I haven't named a monkey "Elaine" yet, it worked well. I hear she was received with a bouquet of flowers that had been wrapped in her arms. What a great idea!

Zinnia
When Zinnia was requested, the socks were actually chosen from my pile and named by the young gentleman who bought him. My understanding is that purple Zinnias are a favourite flower for the lady who was on the receiving end of this monkey - all the way in Halifax. what a fantastic place for this Sock Monkey to travel to.

Author's note: You see - not all my monkeys have twisted stories! Some are quite lovely characters and go to fantastic homes. And me? Well, I end up feeling good about doing something nice.