ELVIRA & MURDOC

ELVIRA & MURDOC: November 2012. Take a good look at these two Sock Monsters and be a little envious. These two have been married for a long time and STILL absolutely adore each other. They never argue. No one belittles the other one. They are not sarcastic to each other. Neither have a bad word to say about each other and respect is high on their list of "ways to love each other". They continually renew their vows and enjoy each others company. When they're apart - even for a moment - they are desperate to get back to each other. Yup, it's all rather inspiring to see. Makes you want to work a little harder at your own relationship. Or, it makes you want to run them over with you mountain bike and watch them go round and round in the wheel spokes as you ride the most harsh trail you can find....

ICHABOB, HONEY & BONO

ICHABOB: Born - November 2012. Ichabob used to deliver newspapers to the downtown area for a living which ended quite tragically one morning. Ichabob had forgotten to eat breakfast and as he was pedalling along, throwing papers to doorsteps, his tummy started growling. Well, like any normal Sock Bunny, he found a garden patch and decided to pull a few carrots to eat along his route. Not a big issue EXCEPT, the garden was in Old Man Chester's yard... Needless to say, Ichabob made it out with his life but also with a ton of buckshot in his rear end, a lost bike, no newspapers to speak of and of course, no job.  The moral of this story? Eat your freakin' breakfast!!!
HONEY: Born - November 2012. Honey eats breakfast every day and never has issues with her tummy grumbling and is a very "regular" rabbit (if you catch my meaning...). With all that fiber in her belly and goodness running through her veins, Honey hits the ground running and doesn't stop until bedtime. Oh yeah, she also took over Ichabob's job and does it in half the time. He's not bitter.
BONO: Born - November 2012. Never mind eating breakfast, this Sock Bunny might become breakfast if he doesn't stop eating all my Captain Crunch and Fruit Loops!! I've got you figured out Bono...

CANAAN & MARTY

CANAAN & MARTY: Born - November 2012. These two wonderful Sock Monkeys are WalMart Greeters and take their job quite seriously. No one and I mean absolutely no one makes it through the local WalMart without being greeted by these two characters. If for some strange reason you actually get by them, they will hunt you down in the men's underwear section and come up with several humiliating ways to greet you. If you think being leg humped by two Sock Monkeys is cool, well you just go on ahead and avoid these guys at the door. You"ll be left wondering if you were just inappropriately assaulted or very "fondly greeted"...
Author's note: Don't worry - you're safe. There is no local WalMart here...

DONGLE & LACEY

DONGLE: Born - November 2012. Dongle likes to dongle his set of "donglers" in front of unsuspecting innocent old ladies and let me tell you, his "donglers" are quite the dandy donglers... Most of the elderly ladies around here don't mind him dongling the donglers as they've never seen a pair of dongles quite like that before - which is why you don't hear reports over your scanners about some sick sock bunny with a set of huge donglers scaring little old ladies. You do hear about it at "Ladies Night Out For Seniors" at the library though...
LACEY: Born - November 2012. Lacey is Dongle's sister and follows him around mostly to beat the little old ladies off him. Don't judge.
Author's note: NO little old ladies were hurt or otherwise visually assaulted during the writing of this fictitious biography. AND, get your mind out of the gutter - I never mentioned what the "donglers" actually were now did I?

MOXIE, BENEDICT & SANTIAGO

MOXIE: Born - November 2012. Moxie captures wild donkeys and tames their adventurous spirit. 
BENEDICT: Born - November 2012. Benedict sells the donkeys that Moxie tames to the circus and roving Gypsies to use as pack mules.
SANTAGO: Born - November 2012. Santiago steals the donkeys that Moxie trains and Benedict sells, from the circus and roving Gypsies so they can be wild and live freely in the wilderness....and unfortunately become easy bait for large predators...
Author's note: I don't think there are wild donkeys out there...just an observation.

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN!



FANG, HECTOR & ZINDER: October 2012. Three young sock monsters all done up for a night on the town. Mind you, that would be a night of drinking and debauchery so do they really need to be that done up?? Come on folks, sometimes even a paper bag over your head is all you need to be "done up" enough to enjoy an evening out. Try it sometime, you may like it. Unless of course you already have and it has left you with only sad stories to tell. In which case, don't try it again...not a good idea. 



SKULLY, LORD MANSON & HOCUS: OCTOBER 2012. So, these three sock monsters refuse to get involved with the above sock monsters as it never seems to end well. The last time these three went out with Fang, Hector and Zinder, I got a 3 a.m. wakeup call from the cops saying Skully, Lord Manson and Hocus were strung up and partially duct taped to the Inukshuk outside our Town Hall. Not a pretty sight and no, I didn't take pictures...
Author's note: to whomever decides to buy any of these six monsters, you'd be wise to keep them separated and away from duct tape...

ADELE, ARIES & TATE

ADELE: October 2012. Raised in a barn, Adele has never figured out how to close doors. If I had a dime for every time I found the door left open, I'd be a wealthy lady. Which by the way, would be a good thing since I'd have to spend all my money on the heating bill as the cold hangs out in my house and the heat heads outside for a friendly romp in the snow. I won't be teaching Adele how to open the windows anytime soon...
ARIES: October 2012. Aries never found the kite he lost in the wind storm last April and is STILL sulking. Little does he know that it was found a week later but so damaged we had to throw it away. Since this kite meant so much to him, we didn't have the heart to tell him and let him think it's still out there, flying around in some distant winds, soaring to new places and having a grand adventure. Cruel? Maybe. Until you've listened to Aries whine about his kite, don't judge.
TATE: October 2012. Tate has a knee fetish. You can take that any way you want as I refuse to write about what he does when he attaches himself to one of my guests knees. Let's just say Tate has been called "inappropriate" many times...